Relationships can work.

Relationships are tough! All of them — friends, coworkers, partners. This is going to get a bit wordy. I apologize in advance for those gasping at the length. However, I plan to share how I think all relationships can work. Now I’m not saying the meanie you know will learn and grow to be great, but I do hopes this helps.

There are so many different relationships to share with others. Do you regularly see the mailman? The same cashier at the gas station? Your boss, coworker, best friend, and the list goes on. These relationships all have basic commonalities. Communication, trust, work, and care are high on the list when working on relationships.

Communication is the most important part of this topic. If you aren’t upfront with your mood, how your day went, feelings, needs, wants — your partner may never know. So while you are carrying the weight of chores, kids and so on, they are oblivious to how much of a front you put on. It’s not easy getting everything done alone, ask for help or split it up. You don’t even know how many times communication will pop up in this post.

Money problems usually happen in relationships that are much more intimate. Be up front (communicate) and collaborate ideas and decisions when it comes to finances. Working with two incomes will always trump one.

Anything involving sex requires attention, communication and care. Sometimes the sex drives between two people aren’t the same, life has worn you down and you are tired. So many things can be an obstacle for your sex life. Make time to have quality intimate time. It’s important to you and your partner, even if it’s just a small amount.

Do you have kids? Share your time as well as together time. No one parent should only be in charge of the children’s wellbeing. Also, make sure you are on the same page as it is more efficient and helpful to each other. There shouldn’t be a good cop or a bad cop, just two equal parts.

Stress at work? Troubles like that take a toll on you! Heck, eight hours of your day or more are logged there. Make sure you are resolving issues with work, planning ahead for big projects, communicating effectively with your team. And if that’s not enough I’m sure your partner or friend (support system) can open an ear to hear you out. Venting feels good.

Share your frustrations as well as the things you find joy in. If you only talk about the bad things, I would get tired of talking to you too. Appreciate the small things and be sure to acknowledge them in a timely manner.

Chores are tough, but someone has to be the adults, right? Take turns doing things you don’t like. Or pick a day to do it each week so it becomes a habit. I promise, getting things done around the house goes a long way in her eyes. He’ll barely notice…I mean, most men may not.

Trusting in each other is another important thing. If you can’t trust your partner, then I ask “why”. You should be able to trust your partner to not hurt you intentionally and/or know that you can count on each other one-hundred percent.

Stress and anxiety that you are having is better to be said, let it off your chest. Sharing helps lighten the load. It also gives your partner advance notice of your current headspace.

Personalities are interesting, everyone is different. Get to know your partner or friend as much as you can. There will be little nuances and small things you may notice about their character and or preferences. Knowing this goes a long way when you want to do something nice for them.

What are your needs? Your partner’s needs? Whether it is meditating every morning or date night every week just know these things take compromise. You have to give and take on both sides, it’ll never be even. However, that is the point of love, the unconditional part.

Love is a challenge in itself. We naturally want to love. Sometimes it’s hard and I understand the different reasons why this could be. Think about culture, upbringing, views, morals, and so on. But if it’s a friend, partner, boss or what have you, just know it takes work on both sides.

I’m sure there is more to add to this but I leave that up to you. What things do you do to help your relationships work?

Until next time.

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Being Pro-Black…

Pro-Black doesn’t mean anti-white or any other anti-culture. According to Urban dictionary “Pro black – is a lifestyle that encourages the economic growth and development of the black people as a whole with a purpose of increasing the wealth and population of black people around the world. Whether it be spending money with black own business in your communities or online. Promoting the love for black people and encouraging black youth is it’s soul purposes to keep uplifting black people in America to be proud and at the same time.” Pro is Latin for “forward” or “for”. So my understanding is that without context Pro American means they have a favorable opinion of America. Truthfully though, there’s not a clear definition of pro-Black because so many people have different approaches to it. Full disclaimer, this entire post comes from someone who predominately had a mixed group of friends. This isn’t to discredit my opinion, just to elaborate on a different experience than your typical bro-black advocate.

I was told I couldn’t be pro-black if I don’t date within my own race. As an African American woman, you expect me to date within my race because of the past? Those and like minds present then are outnumbered now. We live in a different world now, one in which prejudices have grown but tolerance and respect are more desired of a citizen. Including the help of my other half, I’ve gone natural and experienced the growing pains that come with it. He has pushed a lot of my own culture back into my life. I have also learned to accept and respect everyone else’s opinion on the initial matter.

Regardless of anyone else, I would definitely consider myself pro-black. I will say, I’m not as educated in black history and culture as I would like but there is time for learning. The best example for me to give about this is to say your religious values in your denomination could be far off from some in the same denomination. In their differences don’t make them any less a part of their religion. You can feel entitled to your opinion – I just feel as though these things are all subjective. So who are you to judge? I do not have to agree with the words or actions of every black person to be Pro Black.

Interracial dating is doable for someone “labeled” Pro Black. As long as you have “a partner who is compassionate and empathizes with the same or similar values concerning the black community.

Ah welp! Until next time!

This new chapter…

I have moved in with my boyfriend and we have united the fur babies. We are one big family.

My job has drastically changed to something more rewarding and interesting.

Also, let’s not forget there are so many things I want to share with you these coming up.

Ultimately though, I am most excited to co-exist with my other half. That we get to create and live in a space that we can call our own.  In this space, we will continue to grow as individuals as well as a whole unit.

I have already started planning out dinner meals, grocery list and a list of my daily and weekly goals. I’m super excited to share our positive energy, mutual goals, and passions in a three-dimensional canvas that we get to co-design. I also can’t wait to share what we have come up with.

Until next time!

xoxo oy

Clocking into relationships

Dating over the past years, I can say that I have learned a decent amount about men. But I’ve mostly learned a lot about myself, including my shortcomings. I’m also the type of person to overthink and dwell on things, which isn’t very helpful. Let’s face it, relationships are not easy and sometimes it feels easier to give up. But regardless how you feel, who is to say the problem didn’t start with you?

“In finding love, I think it’s important to be patient. In being in a relationship, I think it’s important, to be honest, to communicate, to respect and trust, and to strive to give more than you take.”
– Kina Grannis

Relationships are hard work, it’s like another job really. Finding that person to “work” with [hopefully for the rest of their life] should have its ups and downs, time and effort. Sometimes there will be more give than taking and vice versa, but even that is subjective. Everyone thinks differently, has their own past, issues, habits and communication skills (whether an abundance or lacking). For me, the right person needs to qualify for the following: best friend, lover, spouse and most importantly a parent. Relationships play a big role in our health and well-being.

Love is a universal feeling, which is felt by every living being on this earth. Love isn’t only connecting with another human being, it is a path to self-discovery and it can be many more things. To keep it simple, at the end of the day, it takes two! I won’t get into everything but here are some tips to improve any relationship:

1. Do things you would normally do when you first meet. Don’t go out of your way to act a certain way to change what makes you Yourself. If you start with being yourself there should be less to worry about long-term.

2. Become an expert on your partner. Take the time to understand how they think, their pet peeves, expectations, needs and etc. The more you know the better!

3. Create a weekly ritual or tradition. Why not? It’s fun and every week you get to look forward to a new experience. It also creates a blocked off time for you two to have together time for those that are super busy.

4. Be creative. Maybe stop doing the same thing, all the time. Either call it tradition or change it up. You can ask or just surprise the one you love! Be logical though randomly know this person best right!

5. Try to understand not agree.

6. Don’t let your differences or past limit your future.

7. Work on communication skills. This is the biggest problem I have. I think I am comfortable speaking my mind and communicating an idea. But put me in front of someone I love and I choke, for the most part. It’s always a drawn-out conversation leading up to the climax. My poor patient, loving and understanding boyfriend. This also stems from past communication issues that we may talk about later 😉

8.Compromise, Appreciate each other.

9. Break negative cycles, stop nagging.

10. Focus on what you can control. If you cant change something yourself, don’t dwell in it. There are many other things you can be doing for yourself.

11. Sharing your issues with friends and family isn’t necessary. First I want to say, not everyone needs to know about your relationship. When you do allow so many opinions and advice, trust in yourself to filter through the madness. Some people will tell you what you want to hear or something easy versus resolving the issue. Just take the extra time and thought to come to your own conclusion.

My current relationship has a few things that I have to backlog as well as recognize. We come from different places/cultures, upbringings, social status, and religion. There are so many things to learn from, of the three, culture could be the hardest in my opinion. If something is hard don’t just give up, everything is hard work. And if you didn’t know, now you know 🙂

“A relationship is work, and it changes. And you go with the changes. It’s more good times than bad times, but it’s not always good. You have to overcome those issues and move on.”
– David Burtka

May you love unconditionally, compromise when possible and always communicate to those you love most.

XOXO Silly